It’s easy to say that you’ll never be the couple who stops loving each other or loses passion in their marriage. It’s easier than you may think to actually become that couple. But when the passion or attraction isn’t what it used to be, use these tips get back to what you used to have, and more!
1. Do something you’ve never done before.
Go somewhere new for a weekend getaway, or try doing something new in your own home. It may feel uncomfortable or awkward at first, but if it’s something new for both of you, then it will break down some walls you’ve built up with routine.
2. Buy a new outfit.
This doesn’t have to be something sexy, just something that you feel good in. As the passion fades in your marriage, it’s easy to fall into the trap of only buying outfits to please your spouse. This isn’t where passion starts; it starts with YOU feeling confident in your own skin.
3. Hold out your kisses longer.
When you normally would pull away quickly from a kiss, hold it just a little longer. If your spouse is the one pulling away, hold their face to let them know that you want them in that moment.
4. Tell your spouse what turns you on.
Your spouse may be withholding more affection from you because they don’t know what you like. Open communication is key in any marriage; don’t feel embarrassed or shy to say when you like something your spouse does.
5. Tell your spouse what does NOT turn you on.
Just as important as saying what you do like when it comes to intimacy, is telling your spouse what you don’t like. You will continue to feel frustrated and less attracted to your spouse if they do something that makes you uncomfortable. Be open and tell them exactly what’s bothering you under the pretense that you want both of you to enjoy intimacy to bring you closer together.
6. Compliment each other.
Remember how it felt when you were first dating? He told you that you looked beautiful in that dress, or she told you that you had perfect arms, and you felt like you were on top of the world? Don’t forget the awesome power of complimenting your spouse, but always be honest and real with what you say. Don’t force compliments you don’t actually feel.
7. Both initiate intimacy.
You and your spouse must be equal partners in initiating intimacy, otherwise your spouse will start questioning if you really want to be intimate or if that’s all you want in the relationship.
8. Remember moments when your spouse took your breath away.
If you feel the spark of attraction going away, take a moment and look back on when your spouse gave you butterflies or made you go weak in the knees. It helps if you talk about these these moments together.
9. Take care of yourself.
If you’re not taking the time to take care of yourself physically, it’s going to affect other aspects of your life, especially the passion in your marriage. If you find yourself tired and in a bad mood when your spouse gets home, make sure you’re eating right and getting enough sleep and exercise.
10. Be vulnerable.
Societal norms tell you that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness, but how much braver is the person who chooses to be vulnerable, especially for someone they love. Do something that your spouse is not expecting, preferably out of your comfort zone. Your spouse should recognize that you’re making yourself vulnerable for them, and in turn they will want to be more vulnerable with you.
11. Make out more.
Some couples fall into the routine of just a peck here or a peck there. If you want more passion in your marriage, start small with an occasional make out session as you’re making dinner or before you leave in the morning. Spontaneous make outs are always the best for keeping that spark alive.
12. Have a night with no distractions.
Turn off the cellphones and the TV, get a babysitter for your kids, and get everything done with work beforehand. Let your spouse be your only focus that night.
13. Show your spouse that you want them.
Make small or big gestures, from cooking their favorite meal to taking them to an event they love, one you normally would not go to. Whatever you do, make sure they know you’re doing it because you want them, and only them. When all else fails, just tell them.
14. Have some alone time occasionally.
Intimacy is a paradox: to feel closer, you often first need to spend some time away from each other. Routine kills desire and passion, but so does a lack of longing. How can you have that desire to be with your spouse if you’re already with them all the time? Plus, if you’re not taking time to de-stress on your own from time to time, then you’ll carry your stress and pent-up frustrations back to your marriage.
15. Be flirty with your spouse before you get home.
You might not be giving yourself enough time at home to create the proper mood for intimacy, so start early on in the day. Send your spouse flirty texts or plan dates beforehand where you know you want to have s*x. The excitement will build throughout the day, rather than trying to create that level of anticipation when you both come home.
16. Sneak a hug in.
Don’t underestimate the value of a hug. It seems like such a simple gesture, but it can give your spouse a feeling a safety and security in your relationship. Come up behind them without saying a word and just hug them for a minute or two.
17. Be confidently sexy.
When the passion fades in your marriage, it’s easy to start thinking that it’s because you’re not beautiful, handsome, or sexy enough, that your spouse has gotten tired of you. Don’t let yourself believe that. Fight back against the negative thoughts by being actively sexy. Wear perfume or cologne, light some candles before they come home, or put on something nice. Even if your confidence has gone down from the decline of passion in your relationship, do everything to get it back up.
While it does begin with you, recreating passion in your marriage takes you and your spouse together. Make the commitment TODAY to never let your spouse feel unloved or unattractive and to bring that passion back into your lives.