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14 ways men totally ruin oral sex

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Oral sex.

It’s a tricky old thing, isn’t it?

Received wisdom says that men like blow jobs more than a unicorn made of chocolate on Christmas Day.

But do women like receiving head as much? Meh. Not if you keep ruining it by doing these annoying things.

1. Diving right down there

No, don’t worry, there’s no nerve endings at all in any other parts of my body. By all means zero straight in on my clitoris like a kitten on a laser pen.

2. The washing machine

That reminds me, I’ve still got to separate out the whites this evening.

3. Timing (part one)

It’s the day between showers and there are last-day-of-period brown globules down there. It’s your funeral.

4. Timing (part two)

I’m just back from the gym. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have a packet of ready salted crisps instead?

5. Timing (part three)

I’m just back from a girls’ night. I have been wearing skinny jeans and dancing non-stop for three hours. It’s like you’ve never heard of thrush.

6. Timing (part four)

I am just back from the salon. There is actual blood down there. Given this is partly for your benefit the least you can do is wait a day.

7. Timing (part five)

There is a LOT of actual blood down there.

While menstruation is nothing to be ashamed of and I appreciate the gesture, if I let you do this I will be forever wondering if you soon plan on filing your teeth into points and wearing yellow cat eye contacts.

8. THIGHS, man

Just stay on the thighs for at least 10 minutes.

9. The poke

I appreciate you trying to multitask, I really do. But my clitoris is actually outside my body, not a metre up inside.

10. The windscreen wiper

Look. I get it. Happy times for you involve a lot of repetition. Our bits aren’t like yours at all. Surprise!

11. The cutesy name

I know you name your penis but my vagina is called my vagina. Talking of any kind is at best risky and at worst vomit-inducing. It’s not going to reply, dude.

12. Offside

Maybe, when we’ve been together for five years, the spark has gone, we’re worried about losing one another to someone flirting at the office and things need livening up, MAYBE then you can put your tongue there. But not now, you lunatic.

13. The Arsenal

As in, you keep almost winning – then don’t.

Here’s a tip, as soon as I make any kind of positive sound please read this as ‘bloody hell, he’s finally doing something right, please, please don’t make any changes to exactly what you’re doing now’.

14. The vag to mouth kiss

Look. If you’re cool with me feeding you a mouthful of jizz after a blow job then I am totally cool with this.

The hand wipe’s pretty grim too.

Just toddle off to the bathroom like the rest of us after sex.

Source: Metro

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Celebrity Gossip

I am not single, I have a woman whom I want to marry – Diamond Platnumz

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By BigEyeUg Team

Popular Bongo star Naseeb Abdul Juma alias Diamond Platnumz is set to walk off the market once again just five months after his split with Kenyan girlfriend Tanasha Donna.

This time round, the father of five will be going an extra mile with legalizing his new relationship unlike his formerly renown love games.

Speaking during a social gathering in Tanzania, Platnumz expressed concern about his outgrown age that now seems ridiculous for him having mistresses instead of wives.

The ‘Jeje’ crooner is now bothered being it that he is not getting any younger.

I am not single. I have a woman whom I want to marry. We both don’t want to date just for the sake of it, we want to get married. On the 2nd of October, 2020 I will be turning 31 years old and I just don’t want to have just any woman, a mistress or an escort… I want to marry,” Diamond said.

Despite not stating anything related to his wedding dates, word on the streets of Tanzania already has it that plans are already underway for his wedding with the girlfriend.

The curious citizens have also extrapolated his admission by establishing Diamond’s bride-to-be’s identity moreover receiving aid from singer’s mother, Sanura Kassim.

This follows Sanura sharing a photo of Jihan Dimack, a Lebanon-born model and former Miss Universe Tanzania.

She went beyond and heaped praise on Dimack to which the beauty responded, “Thank you.

If you can recall, a ‘wedding’ was priority when Diamond and the mother of his last-born child first dated.

Diamond, however, often suggested postponing the wedding date claiming that he preferred a magnificent wedding, never witnessed before in history.

He also revealed that his international guests and friends being present at the event would additionally make a statement for him.

Inshallah panapo majaliwa mwaka wa 2019 nitaoa. Mbali na ivo ndoa yangu ilitakiwa iwe siku ya valentines tarehe kumi na nne lakini tumeipeleka mbele kwa sababu ndo yangu watu wengi wanatakiwa kuja kuhudhuria na siku hio kidogo haikukaa vizuri.´ Ndoa yangu watakuja kina Rick Ross, wasanii niliofanya nao collabo, ndugu jamaa na marafiki. I want it to be a royal wedding kama ya kina Prince Harry wa Uingereza. Kila mtu anatamani kuiona, kila mtu anatamani kuihudhria. Najitahidi kuitengeneza kila mtu aweze kuiona. Nimeipeleka mbele kidogo lakini kuna kitu ntakifanya siku ya valentine,” said Diamond.

Diamond’s half-sister, self-styled Wasafi Classic Baby (WCB) First Lady, Queen Darleen is remembered to have hinted loud on the controversially postponed valentine wedding date between Diamond and Tanasha this year.

Queen Darleen revealed that her brother was not ready for marriage and was not going to settle down any time soon as majority had anticipated.

He and I often talk about matters of marriage and relationships. Diamond fears being in a ‘marital cage’. He says he wants to settle down when he is ready, and I don’t think he is currently up for it,” said Darleen.

Matching her words rightfully, the CEO WCB and the Kenyan radio personality split a few months later as parents but unmarried.

We will keep you posted

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Celebrity Gossip

Rema and Hamza show-off with fancy Iddi day celebrations, see photos

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By BigEyeUg Team

Songstress Rema Namakula together with her newly married husband Dr. Hamza Sebunya are yet again an item grinding social media and becoming the main talk around town.

This follows Rema storming social media with conspicuous photos together with her husband, Hamza on Iddi Day, the photos which have since hit-hard to their tormentors.

The pics have also sent her ex-lover, Eddy Kenzo’s fans babbling with criticizing comments.

It has been Rema’s efforts and dream of having a relationship so good this far, that everyone is jealous of it.

The ‘Clear’ singer also believes that if you want a relationship that looks and feels like the most amazing thing on earth, you need to treat it like it is the most amazing thing on earth.

The lovely couple is closing-in to a one-year marriage anniversary since their glamorous ‘Kwanjula’ ceremony in November, 2019.

Rema and Hamza haven’t had a child yet together but their marriage is really fascinating and prove its their wish to have one and when.

Rema’s actions, words, music are undoubtedly provocative to her baby papa, Eddy Kenzo ever since they broke-up before she hooked herself a new man of her dreams, Hamza Sebunya.

See photos;

We will keep you posted

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Celebrity Gossip

Rema surprises fans by wishing Lydia Jazmine a happy birthday

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By BigEyeUg Team

Musician Rema Namakula always had a surprise for her fans. When people expect her not to do something, it is the very thing that she does. This always leaves her on the tongues of many.

The latest from Rema Namakula’s surprise docket is her humble birthday wishes to fellow singer Lydia Jazmine whose relationship with Rema’s ex-hubby Eddy Kenzo remains questionable to date.

It should be recalled that before Rema and Kenzo’s love affair hit rock bottom, the ‘Mugole’ and ‘Omalawo’ singer had established an imminent relationship together to a point of cracking suggestions from the public that they were indeed dating.

Here are some of the photos between Eddy Kenzo and Jazmine;

Rema’s move has since left majority of the public’s eyebrows risen and wondering what could be her motive behind this post.

Here are some of the screenshots of the comments from her post;

We will keep you posted.

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Celebrity Gossip

Comedian Alex Muhangi showers fiancée, Prim with charming birthday message

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By BigEyeUg Team

One of the most celebrated celebrity-couple in the country is labelled to be that of comedian, Alex Muhangi and radio host, Prim Asiimwe.

The two make such an appealing pair, inspirational and define that Love really fills our lives with sense.

Like its renown for ‘power couples’, Alex and Prim have overly chosen to love and support each other even in those moments when they struggle to like each other.

The Comedy Store CEO has always recounted Prim as a ‘sight for sore eyes’ and ‘hot dish’ that any man around the world would be desperate to have on his shoulder.

With this, it’s not a surprise that he solely stands to be the one delivering lovely birthday wishes to the Galaxy FM presenter.

In Alex’s adorable birthday words to Prim, he concedes that behind every great man is not a woman, she is beside him, she is with him, not behind him.

Read Alex Muhangi’s birthday message to lover Prim Asiimwe;

Today is more than just 24 hours to me.

My most intimate friend and mother of my child marks another year since her birth.

I join her to celebrate her life, the memories, the happiness she has breathed into my life ever since we crossed paths.

HBD Prim Asiimwe

For the love birds, magic is in the air and may they be blessed with lots of love and happiness.

Happy Birthday Prim!

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