1. You don’t need to put on sexy music. Who needs sexy music when you’ve got the feeling of ~married life~ in the air? You might even put on something over-the-top and ridiculous like “I’ll Make Love To You” because why not.
2. There’s no pressure for it to be the sexiest night on Earth. You are affirmed enough in your relationship to not let Hallmark/Big Candy dictate when you have the sexiest sex of all.
3. You might not even have sex at all. Again, you are affirmed enough in your relationship that you will not let Hallmark/Big Candy dictate your sex schedule. In fact, you might even skip the sex on Valentine’s Day because it’s really NBD if you’re, ya know, not in the mood.
4. It’s probably not followed by an expensive AF meal. Prix fixe meal for $250 a head? No thanks. You have other shit to pay for, like saving for a mortgage, maybe. (And yes, saying the word “mortgage” is like foreplay.)
5. Which means you’re not worried about a bloated stomach or any digestive issues mid-sex. Who decided that amazing sex comes after dinner? Definitely not somebody with a digestive system, that’s who.
6. If you do get a prix fixe dinner and it goes, um, awry, it’s not the end of the world. The best part of being married is that diarrhea will never ruin Valentine’s Day because you said vows. <3
7. You are not bringing chocolate into the bedroom for “chocolate play.” It was fine when you did that on the shitty jersey sheets you had from college, but not on these 1000 thread count sheets from your registry. No way. You can’t fuck up the high thread count sheets.
8.You can say the words “I love you” mid-coitus without any awkwardness. **Flashback to that time in your younger years when you were having sex with that guy and you weren’t sure if he knew how to have real feelings but you decided he was The One (he was not) and you choked back “I like you” mid V-day sex because what else do you say? Shudder**
9. No rose petals on the bed. Nobody wants rose petals up their butt. But more importantly, nobody wants a Valentine’s Day trip to the ER with their partner because you got rose petals stuck up their butt.
10. Nobody cares if you get your period. Red: the color of Valentine’s Day!
11. If you have amazing, romantic sex, you know it has literally nothing to do with the industrial complex that is Valentine’s Day. It’s comforting to know your vagina can think for itself without the help of a calendar.
Source: Redbookmag.com
