1. You have your period. It’s very cool that your partner is pro-period sex (but don’t give him too much credit; part of signing up to have sex with a woman is knowing she bleeds once a month). But sometimes, you just want to lie there in your menses and slowly die (metaphorically, that is).
2. You’re super bloated. How kind of your husband to be so positive and disregard the fact that you look like you have a basketball implanted in your stomach. And how nice of him to ignore how gassy you are! That’s definitely love, but it’s totally normal to embrace the fact that you feel gross and that you just want to lie on your side in fetal position until it all goes away.
3. You had a huge freaking dinner. I’ve said this before, but it’s so mind-boggling to me that “romantic dinner” is supposed to be the preface to sexy sex. If you’re going out to a romantic dinner (read: nice restaurant) you should not be forced to limit yourself. Eat away! If that gets you going, then great, you’re in for a wonderful night. But if all that good food puts you to sleep?
4. You just birthed a child. It’s OK to put a “do not disturb” sign on your vagina. I mean, just think about what your vagina has been through.
5. You just had a painful AF bikini wax. Bikini waxes, if you must be reminded, are for you. If it’s sore and red down there…just….just why!? Don’t. Give your lady parts the breathing room they need.
6. You had a really stressful, shitty day at work. Sure, orgasming can maybe put you in a better mood, but sometimes a night just calls for a large glass of mediocre wine, sweatpants, and The Bachelor.
7. You’re tired. How can you work your sexual goddess ~magic~ if you’re craving some beauty sleep the kind of sleep where you crash on your stomach and drool?
8. Something good is on TV. A penis can wait. This crucial episode of Scandal cannot. There might be spoilers on Twitter.
9. Your parents are visiting. On one hand, it reminds you of high school when you sneakily gave your boyfriend hand jobs in discreet locations. On the other, it’s really weird that they’re sleeping in the next room over. You don’t want to hear them do it, so, you know, it’s a mutual respect type of thing.
1o. You’re just not in the mood. One of the best things about being a vagina-owner is having the power to determine when and when it does not partake in activities. If you have a decent partner, they’ll understand and know you’ll be horny another time.
Source: Redbookmag.com
