In this modern dating scene, there is so much emphasis placed on standards in relationships. The question is, what kind of standards do these experts mean?
For a single lady who’s searching, you are told to never settle for less that what you deserve, so what should your typical standard for a guy be like?
Elizabeth Stone of Attract the One lists explains what your ideal man should be like:
1. He is single: You are worth having a man who you could have a future with. You deserve to be number 1 in his life. You should not have to hide your relationship because he is married or is otherwise attached to someone else. If you fall madly in love with a married man, you must leave him alone even if it is hard and painful. You don’t want to “catch” anyone who is already “caught.” A relationship built on dishonesty is one that will crumble under the same dishonesty. You want clean and unencumbered. Vow to value yourself enough not to fish in the married pool.
2. He is kind and respectful: This goes for everyone in his life, not just you. Most people are on their best behavior when you start dating them. It is easy for them to be nice to you, because there is something to gain, but how does he treat the other people in his life and on the periphery? The old cliche, if “he is not nice to the waiter, he is not nice” is really true here. Same goes for the mailman, his mother and animals.
3. He takes personal responsibility: It is vitally important that you get rid of all men quickly who believe that the world owes them something. The attitude that he isn’t responsible for his problems is bad because when (not if) you run into problems together, you want him to be proactive about making changes. It can’t be that he is never at fault or responsible for changing his life. A victim mentality should be deeply repellent to you. In order to screen for this, watch for statements about “terrible luck,” “everyone is against him,” and the general idea that the world owes him something. You want a proactive man who is flexible and good at solving the problems that he has control over. When he’s a problem-solver, he will be motivated to make both of your lives better and have the tools to do so.
4. He handles his finances responsibly: It doesn’t matter how much he makes, it matters how he manages his money. Is he always broke before the next payday? Does he save? Does he pay taxes? Is he in debt? Does he constantly borrow or lend money? What is his perspective on gambling? If your relationship continues, you will eventually be combining at least some of your money. Is he someone you would feel comfortable doing this with?
5. He has good manners: Would you describe him as a gentleman? Good manners show thoughtfulness and the ability to pay attention to other people. We want someone thoughtful, right? Right.
6. He is faithful: Did he cheat on you or in a past relationship? Some folks just aren’t cut out for the monogamy thing, but if this is something that you value, you need to cut him loose.
7. He is truthful: No, this does not include the question “do I look fat in this dress?” He is truthful about the important things. Little white lies to spare your feelings are acceptable. Big lies are not. Watch to see if he tells whoppers to other people. If he lies often to others, he is guaranteed to lie to you eventually. A shaky relationship with the truth is a dangerous red flag and can often identify a psychopath. Trust, but verify.
8. He is easygoing: When you are picking out a long term mate, you want them to be able to roll with the punches. You don’t want a hot head, critical mate who makes you or others feel on edge. Watch how he handles mistakes by you. Watch how he handles inconvenience, changes of plans and mistakes by you and others. Flexible is valuable.
9. Find out what angers him and how he handles it: I would never suggest to go out of your way to intentionally make someone angry, but you really want to know how he handles anger, specifically at you. Does he use name-calling, underhanded or mean tactics when he argues? Can he talk through problems? Is he able to continue to be kind and respectful when he is angry? These are all things that you need to know before you decide whether he is right for your future. Conflict can strengthen your relationship or it can erode it.
10. He is actively working toward meeting concrete goals: It should be obvious that he is interested in meeting goals beyond “make rent this week.” Find out what he is working toward and if his is driven to improve his life. Screen for men who want to grow because you will rise to meet their level. Are his goals congruent with yours?
Source: Pulse.ng
