By Moses Abeka
What do other media guys do when they seek opinion? Simple! Place a recorder below the person’s lips, ask obvious questions and get well-rehearsed answers. That is ordinary! We break tradition. Some of us are extra ordinary. We are Bigeye.ug, we are X-Men. We hack into your brains and unearth the truth.
I get to see, touch, feel, and laugh at your thoughts! Be scared, very scared. So I hacked into Golola’s brain, walked through the furnished gallery of thoughts, identifying the mental pictures exhibited.
I discovered a full scale civil war inside Golola’s skull; something that deserves Al Jazeera coverage not Agataliiko Nfuufu!
Reporting from the front line, dear readers, the 10 things Golola Moses of Uganda is thinking about before entering the ring this evening.
1. E NO EASY TO FIGHT AND THE PEOPLE REJOICE YEEE…
I have to fight for a living… me, a big man fighting for money. My old habit of fighting for pancakes in Rubaga has finally caught up with me. I don’t know why some fools fight with police yet there is money to fight for and they claim Sevo is making them broke. Fools just! Billionaires like Messi, Ronaldo still run after inflated pieces of leather for money. Hee… hee… We rich men have rare ways!
2. THIS FIGHT IS NOT FAIR!
Am not a rebel but am going to fight a soldier. This is not fair! I wish Katumba Wamala summons and deploys him in Somalia before the bell goes bang! bang! The world is going to watch me fight a soldier and they think its funny. It is not!
3. HOSPITAL BILLS
A percentage of my bills is already secured in a doctor’s account. This time I will not slide, no muscle pull again.
Haaa… Sevo is in a giving mood. Kiprotich ran in outside countries and Sevo gave him a real Pajero. I will punch that soldier and who knows, Sevo might appoint me a general! I hear there is a vacant position.
5. IT IS A WACKY WORLD
Let’s get to the bottom of this. Am fighting for a belt… just a belt! Arsene and his Arsenal are insulted for not winning a cup… just a cup! This world is funny!
6. AGNES NANDUTUUUUU…
That woman is warming to make fun of me. I will just look at her and NTV give her maternity leave immediately.
7. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS… COUNT YOUR LUCKY STARS.
They praise me. They call me hero, legend and saviour of kick boxing in Uganda. Nz’ani? Who am I, Oh Lord! A MUBS graduate at Speke Road is making money by sleeping while facing upwards. I hear the world does not even allow them to sleep facing upwards these days. They kneel, lean forward like dogs, on their fours with both hands on ground level! Poor bitches, men are dogs! But they are not the only animals. Imagine professors were called goats! Don MC’s song ”Oli Mbuzi” must have found its way to Sevo’s playlist!
Should I quit? No. Yes. No. YES. Nooooooo!!
9. IT IS ONLY A GAME.
Whatever happens, it is only a game. Zsamboki made me ran laps in the ring and I inspired Kiprotich to win gold so Uganda won even though I lost.
10. GWANGA MUJJE…COME WITNESS HISTORY.
Come in big numbers! If I win this fight! I just don’t know! But I will beat Tugume. I will punch him till he cries… Goloooola… Golola… Golola… when the bell bang bang! I will be the champion. Am not a joking subject. Am Golola Moses of Uganda. I will……
(At this point, I escaped from the captivity of his thoughts) Thanks for reading!
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