By Ian Ortega
If Prophet Samuel Kakande had a synonym, then it would be a fusion of mystery and controversy. From the very days when he began his ministry, he has been covered by clouds of allegations, unabated accusations, mysteriousness and controversy. It is his ways that have left many with unanswered questions and Kakande is not ready to answer them. He would rather; they go on guessing, taking strides of wonderment. It is this mystery that drove me to pray with the prophet. Having watched his TV shows on Bukedde TV where he performs miracles like a god of sorts, I could not wait to get to Mulago. The over a thousand testimonies on his website, the prophecies all stirred up a fire to go to the Synagogue.
Experience at Synagogue Church of All Nations (SCOAN)
It is Thursday when I first camp at Kakande’s Church in Mulago-Kubiri roundabout. The church was formerly known as The Holy Church of Christ in 1987. During this time Kakande was married to a one prophetess Loyce Nana.
When I got here on Thursday, I anticipated miracles, signs and wonders. After-all, The Kakande ministries website refers to SCOAN as the solution ground. It was the healing service and perhaps one of the most frequented by visitors. To be healed, one is required to register at the office. What intrigued me the most was the incredible miracles that were performed in this Church service? Is this real or just a magical feat, I wondered? The aura around him was too much for the ordinary Christian to understand. There was no way one could balance the equation. Those healed were told by the prophet never to sin again. To many, he exposed their past sins. And in a remote controlled way, he showcased his anointing as he healed. Occasionally he blew air at those in need of healing and controlled them wirelessly with his hands.
Three days later, on Sunday, I again paid SCOAN a visit for the Thanksgiving service. The Sunday story does not differ from that of Thursday. By 1 pm when I make my appearance, SCOAN is like one big home. BodaBodas are stationed outside waiting for clients; the police keep a watchful eye in all directions. They make sure everyone who enters gets checked by the bomb detectors. One of them takes a glimpse at one of the many TV screens to get updated with the events inside.
But SCOAN is different; you can’t tell a visitor from a regular church goer. The ushers are at hand to direct people to empty seats. I pass by the office where those in need of healing are making an appointment with the prophet. Just a few steps from the office are the distribution points for the edibles and along the same corridor; the stench from the toilets permeates the air. My search for an empty seat inside the church amounts to nothing and I am forced to seek an empty place in the tarpaulin tent where I squeeze myself onto a bench. A mother of twins, a regular SCOAN member of sorts listens attentively to the lady preaching on the screens. This lady is adorned in red attire and she goes by the name of mama (mother).
She goes on to praise the prophet, assuring those who turned up for healing to be ready. She warns them not to try and deny when the prophet reveals their past. “When the man of God gets in, make sure your eyes follow each and every step of his,” she warns. She rolls over on the floor to illustrate the healing and cleansing moments before standing up, running around and jumping in joy. But her sermon is intonated with pleas for money from the people, asking them to pick up envelopes and drop in money to their best ability.
The Sunday school is then ushered in. These ones perform a song titled “Zimba” meaning build. The song is to encourage people to build the new house of the Lord. As they sing, an artistic impression of the new church is shown on the screen. If it gets completed, no church in Uganda or even Africa will match up to its standards. The song also stresses, “People think the prophet eats the money they collect, poor him, he does not even get a cent, he uses every coin for God’s work.”
After the Sunday school presentation, a one Brother Maaso comes in and ministers to the congregation explaining that he’s called Maaso because his eyes are a living proof of the greatness of Kakande’s prayer. Prophet Kakande makes a modest entrance after the main choir performed two songs. When the people see him, they all stand up in joy. He is modest in what he’s wearing, it is your ordinary checked lilac suit, a pink shirt, black shoes which are a bit worn out and white socks.
His sermon of the day is “Still Back In the Battle Field”. He goes on to mention that “life without success is meaningless and jubilation without victory is meaningless.” His accent sounds Nigerian at times, he does not preach in an electrifying way, he makes bold statements, takes pauses perhaps to rubberstamp the authority of his words. He breaks into his song, which I think is his favourite and keeps singing the lines: “my closest friend, I will worship you till the very end. Jesus lover of my soul, Jesus I will never let you go.” His eyes are piercing as he mentions his statements; he tells the congregation that people are watching to know whether they will be a difference in the lives of the faithful.
Kakande reads out the verses but does not go deep into trying to explain them; he rolls the message towards the issues that flow down to the hearts of men. It is the gospel of butter, bread and healing. All over, kids are sandwiched onto the ground and the adults on benches, some seats in the church are marked with the reserved sign, those selling sodas and nourishments keep passing around. Since I had missed my lunch, I am forced to buy a plastic bottle of soda and a doughnut. The synagogue is a home away from home-it even has a solution for hunger during the service.
Kakande mentions terms, coined personally, words like ‘heamostupidity’ to describe a continuous condition of stupidity and ‘haemopoverty’ to describe unending poverty. When he comes outside to preach to the congregation seated in the tents, cameras follow him all around. Ushers are on guard just in case the anointing hits those standing or seated around. When he comes near me, my heart skips a bit. I am scared he may expose me, my past and all about what has brought me to his church. He looks me straight into the eyes as he emphasizes a point. I nod in agreement to disguise my guilt conscience. But the prophet looks normal, his shoes are modest, and so are his creased trousers. I take a notice at his fingers and there is nothing to fear. He is the prophet of the people for the people.
It is the healing moment that gets interesting. He begins off with the emergency session where those in need of quick healing are lying down in pain. There is Aisha Turinomugisha, a 23-year-old from Kanungu. For 5 years, she has not had her periods; she had had constipation for 5 years and can’t stand without help. Kakande instantly prays for her and she gets healed, others include those with spinal breaks, those wearing corsets but go ahead to remove them and run around celebrating their healing. I have a feeling these miracles are not faked, the tears from those healed are genuine, the wounds are all visibly fresh. Some are accident victims, another lady was shot on Women’s day but her mouth now got opened. Kakande keeps praying until he gets tired that he begins combining these patients and dissipating the healing prayers at once. They all fall down at the anointing, however some don’t, and some simply prepare for their graceful fall for fear of getting injured. There is a Catharsis from demons, one man had his night-dancing secrets revealed, another lady was a former lesbian. But Kakande does not take the credit, he tells every healed person to thank Jesus who did every work at the cross.
But of course, he keeps marking his territory. He asserts authority in his homespace, expressing his dismay at those who did not turn up without Bibles comparing them to a car without lights. He is not open to media interviews anymore, the lady at the office, his second in command harshly turned down my request saying I should stop dreaming about meeting the prophet. Back then in 2000 when I first appeared at SCOAN, the prophet was freely accessible and prayer did not require one to turn up with an ID, an LC1 letter and a doctor’s diagnosis form. Today it’s the order of the day on top of the money exhorted as per one’s healing needs.
The holy water still exists. This is a different kind of water, because folklore has it that it is healing water. A lady I asked told me that the water has brought super changes in her life. “The prophet directs to use it as home drinking water, sprinkle it everywhere in our houses, business places and on our husbands. Wherever you need a change, simply use the holy water.” Hundreds line up with jerrycans and tins of all sorts to get a share of the water. It’s the only thing that’s free at the church. The blessed handkerchiefs, portraits of the prophet, blessed pens and many other items all come at a fee. The only other free things are the portraits, of his source of power-the late prophet John Obiri Yeboah-tightly hanged on the walls. Kakande adores Yeboah as a father, a mentor and the source of all.
The life history of Yeboah rubberstamps the fact that Kakande may have inherited this aura of mystery from the man he praises for anointing him through Nana. He made his mark during his stay in Uganda in the seventies. Yeboah first came to Uganda in 1972 and claimed that he had powers to raise the dead. It was at the famous White Nile in Katwe that Yeboah showcased his bouquet of miracles, signs and wonders. It was Yeboah that established the first association of Pentecostal churches-National Fellowship of BornAgain Churches.
My cursory attempts to get one of them to ‘blackmail’ the prophet fall on deaf ears, none of them can hear of it. After all, the prophet keeps warning that he will reveal even those things they say about him in their bedrooms. He warns them against reading any false stories published about him. “Don’t listen to them, just focus on your Jesus,” he comments.
And The Mysteriousness Continues
One thing I am certain of is that Kakande enjoys keeping the media guessing. He enjoys it when all sorts of things are said about him. Being the most persecuted makes him comparable to Jesus. Without any doubt, Kakande is an enigma of sorts wrapped in baskets of controversy. He is one enigma that can’t be unwrapped. Perhaps that’s why he keeps getting foreign wives, those that won’t try to expose him after they leave. The more butts of renunciations and denunciations he has received, the more he has continued to soar like an eagle. No one knows for certain whether his ways are genuine. Which false preacher would preach with the Bible, heal in the name of Jesus and cast out the master many claim he works for. And if one thing stands, Kakande is one prophet that works in enigmatic ways.