Ever wake up in the A.M. confused about the crazy sex dream you just had? Before you jump to conclusions—like it’s a sign that you should get a divorce or your hubby is texting another woman—there’s something Ian Wallace, psychologist, dream expert, and author of The Complete A To Z Dictionary Of Dreams: Be Your Own Dream Expert, thinks you should know: Your sex dreams have absolutely nothing to do with, well, having sex at all. Here’s what they really mean:
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1. Cheating on your husband.
A dream like this often points to an underlying lack of trust, but not in your marriage. “It means that the dreamer is losing faith in their own attractiveness and is experiencing something in their waking life that is making them feel less confident and sure of themselves,” says Wallace. Whether you got shot down after presenting a new idea at work, or that super-fit, has-it-all mom is suddenly making you question everything, Wallace says it’s a sign you’re seeking too much approval from those around you.
2. Having gay sex—if you’re straight—or straight sex—if you’re gay.
“You’re becoming very comfortable with your body and tolerant about your beliefs, morals, and values as a person.” But that’s not all. Wallace says it also could be a reflection of your adventurous side as a parent, spouse, and employee.
3. Sex with a person who has no face.
“The face symbolizes identity, so if the person you’re having sex with has no face, it means there’s something you’re constantly being challenged by in your life that you haven’t discovered yet,” says Wallace. In other words, it’s a call to action to look more closely at what could potentially be holding you back so you can fix it, asap.
4. Best-friend sex.
It might seem weird, but Wallace says fantasies like these come and go when there’s a personality trait you really admire that your best friend has. See? No major problems here. Unless of course your situation is eerily similar to Joey and Rachel’s.
5. Experiencing an actual orgasm.
If it feels like you’re having an orgasm, it could actually be because you’re getting close to experiencing one physically, according to studies. It’s not just men who get extra excited while catching z’s. Experts say women, too, go through bodily changes—i.e. increase in vaginal lubrication, enlarged clitoris—during the REM stage of sleep that can lead to arousal down there. And if your sex dream happens to coincide with the time that you’re experiencing REM, you’re really in for a treat.
6. Sex with a co-worker you can’t stand.
In short, you’re super jealous of a work-related talent or skill that this person is good at and are frustrated that they’re excelling at it and you aren’t, says Wallace.
7. Sex with Bradley Cooper.
Or Becks. Or Leo circa 1997. Besides the possibility that you might just be dreaming out a life-long fantasy of having sex with a hot celeb, Wallace says these kinds of dreams signal that you—like most celebrities—are really good at something in your life and have the ability to gain even more power from it. Lucky you…and Bradley.