Sex is a fun activity, and a very powerful antidepressant but there are times in life that your sex life isn’t just what it should be, and sometimes you don’t know what the reason could be especially if you’re in a long-term relationship.
Solving the problem that this creates is very important, which is why this will feel like good news. Women’s Health spoke with Terri Orbuch, PhD, a relationship expert and the author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great.
Here are 7 reasons why your sex life can be dull.
1. Your medications
The wonder of western medicine, while its curing you of one, its making you ill elsewhere. The drugs you’re taking can kill your sex drive. Some of them mess wuth your hormones. Also, birth control pills shut down your body’s ovulation process, meaning you won’t get those mid-cycle spikes in horniness that many folks trying to conceive brag about. But as your medicine cabinet medicine cabinet starts filling up over the years, other meds like antidepressants and heartburn drugs can be to blame, says Orbuch.
If you think this might be the problem, “See your doctor for a complete physical and ask him or her how to address these underlying problems of low sex drive,” says Orbuch.
2. You’re dealing with stuff
Life can be happening sometimes and this might mean that your sex drive might take a nose dive. It happens, sometimes you probably cannot remember when last you hugged your partner, the solution however is “Plan a weekend getaway, just the two of you,” says Orbuch. Going away from routine helps a lot, it can help rekindle that need deep inside your inner thighs.
While dealing with pressure, you can endure some lackluster sex drive because the mind is constantly wandering while you’re having sex. To help you get over this you might want to create a list of things bothering you. “Writing things down will help you notice certain situations that are throwing off your sex game,” she says. After you’ve done this, take time out to find amends for it.
4. Having a baby
Pregnancy and childbirth naturally affect a woman in a lot of ways, one of them is with her hormones. While some women are turned on by almost anything during pregnancy, others completely lose interest. “The after-effects of vaginal delivery and exhaustion mean sex gets shelved as everyone adjusts to the new lifestyle,” says Gloria Brame, PhD, a sex therapist and author of Different Loving.
“For example, your role may shift to a less sexual, more parent-y model,” she says. One of the best ways to get your groove back is by discussing your old sexcapades, says Orbuch. “Talking to your partner about sex can be sexually arousing for you both,” she says.
5. Your fantasies take the back seat
Usually, the kind of sex that some people prefer might not be exactly what their partners are into, or can tolerate, and this can lead to discontentment. For instance, if she likes to receive head, because it makes her cum easily and the partner doesn’t like it. This can become a sort of problem. Your fantasies should be part of your sex lives.
You can’t expect your partner to know you unless you show him all of you,” says Brame. “If he doesn’t like what he hears, he’s not the right partner for you.”
6. You’re not confident about yourself
This is a damager, your thoughts about yourself can grossly affect your sex live, if you don’t think you’re beautiful enough, it can spill over to your partner. “Your partner fell for you—not Megan Fox,” says Brame. “Communicate and talk about how you’re feeling,” she says.
7. You aint feeling the nigga
To borrow the opposite of that line from D’banj. It happens you just don’t get turned on by him anymore. But before you take that leap to the big D (Divorce) or B (Break up) word. You might need to ask yourself if this is a temporary thing brought on by something he did. It might just be something he did that has caused this lacuna which can be dealt with.
“This will help you determine whether attraction is the problem, or if that’s just hiding behind a wall of anger and miscommunication,” says Brame.