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Here are 5 ways to convey issues in the bedroom to your partner, as written by Kaitling Stainbrook, Prevention.
1. When you’re more sexually adventurous than your partner
There are times when you’re more into trying new things than your partner. The truth is, not everyone has that sort of patience. Some people just like to stick to what they know is tested and trusted by them. According to David Bennett, the co-author of Be Popular Now, also a relationship expert and counsellor, “The daring partner may feel like their needs aren’t being met, while the less-daring partner may feel as if they aren’t good enough,”
If you’re both at variance with what you want in bed, then you need to have a real discussion. Bennett adds, “This is where mutual empathy and understanding come in,”
Here is what you can do to resolve this, before you start anything, lay ground rules.
“For example, agree that the daring partner can push the envelope, but has to check in to make sure their less-daring partner is comfortable,” Bennett advises. You should have signals and feedback, The adventurous one has to take permission from the other.
It can be a little “Is this okay?”. It is important that you keep each other at ease. “And if you’re the one who wants to pull the brakes, a simple, ‘Let’s go back to what we were doing—that was hot,’ can help the ‘no’ go over in a way that is affirming rather than critical,” Bennett concludes.
2. What you like it makes you feel ashamed
We’re different people, which means you may most likely to be into things that your partner doesn’t like feel the same about as you. It’s down to communication to know how to convey this information. “If your partner doesn’t communicate with you, there’s no reason you should know what they want, and vice versa,” narrates Nicola Prause, PhD, who is also the founder of sexual biotechnology company Liberos. Here is how you fix, Dr. Prause also makes a case that, “Request a behavior that is as specific as possible and communicate your experience gently, but accurately.”
It’s not enough not to say anything to your partner about what what you want in bed, and expect them to read you and get it. To fix this, “Request a behavior that is as specific as possible and communicate your experience gently, but accurately,” Prause advises. You can work on scripts that can be suggestive that can help fill in the gap such as; I like it when you [blank], but when you [blank], I feel [blank].
The doc says “You could use this script to say: I like feeling your fingers inside of me, but when you move them so fast, I feel nervous like I might get hurt.” Prause says. It can be difficult, but the script can be a good way to begin.
3. My partner isn’t giving me orgasm
This is perhaps common among women, for a man. It’s really easy unless there is a medical condition, in case you’re going through this. Women are the worse hit in this category. Some women have never experienced orgasm. “In some cases, women aren’t comfortable talking with their partner about it. And in other cases, they try to bring it up, but their partner doesn’t understand or, even worse, isn’t interested,” Steven McGough, director of research and development at Women and Couples Wellness, and associate professor of clinical sexology. Once the man has reached orgasm, the lady is left to cater to herself. It has been scientifically proven that there is a four minute gap between the average man reaching orgasm and the lady doing the same.
To fix this, women are been encouraged to do some alone action. When you do it by yourself and achieve the desired result, then it is easy to show your partner what to do and how to do it. “Instead of beginning the conversation by saying you aren’t satisfied, say that you want to explore ways to increase pleasure in the bedroom,” McGough states. “Start by asking your partner what they would like you to do more of in bed or what their fantasies are. Once they’ve expressed what they want, hopefully they’ll reciprocate and ask you.
If they don’t, you can follow up with: ‘One thing that would make me go absolutely crazy is if you…'” You can lead them into the part of the conversation where you want it to go. If you’re still not making progress with this, another method will be to watch porn together, the kind that puts the woman’s pleasure and experience ahead of everything else.
4. If your partner doesn’t like head
Variants of opinions always happen in relationships. One thing you’ll realise is that giving head is a touchy topic with a partner who doesn’t like it. It’s easier to convince someone into receiving oral sex but way more difficult to talk someone into giving one. McGough says “The best way to address this is for each partner to talk openly about what they want physically,” It is a touchy subject. “If one partner wants something the other isn’t comfortable or good at doing, it’s helpful to talk about possible alternatives.”
One way to try to fix this is to simulation of another kind. “Using oil and good hand technique or getting a masturbation sleeve [a flexible tube for the penis that can enhance pleasure] can often be just as enjoyable as oral sex for men,” suggests McGough. “Women who want to receive oral sex but whose partners either don’t want to give it or aren’t good at it should explore using oils and hand massage.”
Starting with this can help. Also maybe a shower can help your case. McGough opines, “The perception of being in the shower after washing up often changes how people view oral sex.”
5. How to tell my partner I’m horny in less awkward manner
Depending on which kind of couple you and your partner are. It can be off-putting for you to outrightly tell your partner that you want sex and it can also be uncouth to an extent. There must be times, when you’re in the mood and the other person isn’t. These times can be frustrating even with the roles reversed. “A woman may come home totally exhausted and stressed out, but her partner is really in the mood. Later on, she’s in the mood and uses subtle cues to let her partner know, but he doesn’t catch on,” McGough reveals.
One of the reasons might be age, “Although they might attribute this to getting older, it’s really just a misunderstanding and in fact, they may both be in the mood at the same time and not even realize it.” The fastest and easiest way to resolve this is to be upfront about it. Tell your partner how it is, if you’re feeling aroused and need some of that action, just say it.
You can plan date nights, and make sure the nights are not when you’re both tired from the work and uninterested in anything else asides from sleep.