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5 Ways you can tell your partner about bad sex in a nice way



You can give someone bad news, and they choose to kill themselves and you can give them bad news, and it doesn’t look so bad.

Here are 5 ways to convey issues in the bedroom to your partner, as written by  Kaitling Stainbrook, Prevention. 

1. When you’re more sexually adventurous than your partner 

There are times when you’re more into trying new things than your partner. The truth is, not everyone has that sort of patience. Some people just like to stick to what they know is tested and trusted by them. According to David Bennett, the co-author of Be Popular Now, also a relationship expert and counsellor, “The daring partner may feel like their needs aren’t being met, while the less-daring partner may feel as if they aren’t good enough,”

If you’re both at variance with what you want in bed, then you need to have a real discussion. Bennett adds, “This is where mutual empathy and understanding come in,”

Here is what you can do to resolve this, before you start anything, lay ground rules.

“For example, agree that the daring partner can push the envelope, but has to check in to make sure their less-daring partner is comfortable,” Bennett advises. You should have signals and feedback, The adventurous one has to take permission from the other.

It can be a little “Is this okay?”. It is important that you keep each other at ease. “And if you’re the one who wants to pull the brakes, a simple, ‘Let’s go back to what we were doing—that was hot,’ can help the ‘no’ go over in a way that is affirming rather than critical,” Bennett concludes.

2.  What you like it makes you feel ashamed

We’re different people, which means you may most likely to be into things that your partner doesn’t like feel the same about as you. It’s down to communication to know how to convey this information. “If your partner doesn’t communicate with you, there’s no reason you should know what they want, and vice versa,” narrates Nicola Prause, PhD, who is also the founder of sexual biotechnology company Liberos. Here is how you fix, Dr. Prause also makes a case that, “Request a behavior that is as specific as possible and communicate your experience gently, but accurately.”

It’s not enough not to say anything to your partner about what what you want in bed, and expect them to read you and get it. To fix this, “Request a behavior that is as specific as possible and communicate your experience gently, but accurately,” Prause advises. You can work on scripts that can be suggestive that can help fill in the gap such as; I like it when you [blank], but when you [blank], I feel [blank].

The doc says “You could use this script to say: I like feeling your fingers inside of me, but when you move them so fast, I feel nervous like I might get hurt.” Prause says. It can be difficult, but the script  can be a good way to begin.

3. My partner isn’t giving me orgasm

This is perhaps common among women, for a man. It’s really easy unless there is a medical condition, in case you’re going through this. Women are the worse hit in this category. Some women have never experienced orgasm.  “In some cases, women aren’t comfortable talking with their partner about it. And in other cases, they try to bring it up, but their partner doesn’t understand or, even worse, isn’t interested,” Steven McGough, director of research and development at Women and Couples Wellness, and associate professor of clinical sexology. Once the man has reached orgasm, the lady is left to cater to herself. It has been scientifically proven that there is a four minute gap between the average man reaching orgasm and the lady doing the same.

To fix this, women are been encouraged to do some alone action. When you do it by yourself and achieve the desired result, then it is easy to show your partner what to do and how to do it. “Instead of beginning the conversation by saying you aren’t satisfied, say that you want to explore ways to increase pleasure in the bedroom,” McGough states. “Start by asking your partner what they would like you to do more of in bed or what their fantasies are. Once they’ve expressed what they want, hopefully they’ll reciprocate and ask you.

If they don’t, you can follow up with: ‘One thing that would make me go absolutely crazy is if you…'” You can lead them into the part of the conversation where you want it to go. If you’re still not making progress with this, another method will be to watch porn together, the kind that puts the woman’s pleasure and experience ahead of everything else.

4. If your partner doesn’t like head 

Variants of opinions always happen in relationships. One thing you’ll realise is that giving head is a touchy topic with a partner who doesn’t like it. It’s easier to convince someone into receiving oral sex but way more difficult to talk someone into giving one. McGough says “The best way to address this is for each partner to talk openly about what they want physically,” It is a touchy subject. “If one partner wants something the other isn’t comfortable or good at doing, it’s helpful to talk about possible alternatives.”

One way to try to fix this is to simulation of another kind. “Using oil and good hand technique or getting a masturbation sleeve [a flexible tube for the penis that can enhance pleasure] can often be just as enjoyable as oral sex for men,” suggests McGough.  “Women who want to receive oral sex but whose partners either don’t want to give it or aren’t good at it should explore using oils and hand massage.”

Starting with this can help. Also maybe a shower can help your case. McGough opines, “The perception of being in the shower after washing up often changes how people view oral sex.”

5. How to tell my partner I’m horny in less awkward manner

Depending on which kind of couple you and your partner are. It can be off-putting for you to outrightly tell your partner that you want sex and it can also be uncouth to an extent. There must be times, when you’re in the mood and the other person isn’t. These times can be frustrating even with the roles reversed. “A woman may come home totally exhausted and stressed out, but her partner is really in the mood. Later on, she’s in the mood and uses subtle cues to let her partner know, but he doesn’t catch on,” McGough reveals.

One of the reasons might be age, “Although they might attribute this to getting older, it’s really just a misunderstanding and in fact, they may both be in the mood at the same time and not even realize it.” The fastest and easiest way to resolve this is to be upfront about it. Tell your partner how it is, if you’re feeling aroused and need some of that action, just say it.

You can plan date nights, and make sure the nights are not when you’re both tired from the work and uninterested in anything else asides from sleep.


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What makes a relationship work, according to men who know




Being married can be a tough gig at times, even when you’re part of a family which has been divinely selected to rule over the United Kingdom in perpetuity and is worth roughly £65 billion.

So ahead of ‘that wedding’, we’ve collected some of the most helpful pieces of wisdom ever shared with Esquire when we’ve asked the simple question: what makes a relationship work?

Van Data and white lover

From Oscar winning actors to businessmen to designers, this is what they’ve had to say. Thank us later, Harry.

“It’s about learning to give and take, learning to be interested, and interesting, learning to not just talk about yourself, listening to how their day has been, as well as your day. It’s just keeping your feet on the ground. Do the washing up. Wipe the tops. I love that. It’s so therapeutic.”

“All marriages have ups and downs. If you fight through whatever the problem is and solve it then you’ll end up staying together. If you’d rather be bitter and not communicate then you create chasms that can’t be crossed.”

– Samuel L Jackson

“The reason I think I’m in a happy relationship now is because I manage my expectations. I don’t see my partner as a carer or someone who’s meant to generate joy for me, but as an independent person that I share my life with. The problem is that we don’t recognise the parameters of consumerism. I don’t think we see how entrenched it has become in our mentality, that we look at all experience as something we can somehow devour or use.”

– Russell Brand
“Honesty is important in a relationship. One time in the early days of us dating, Susanne made us a fish pie, and it was rank. So I told her. It still crops up now and again, 20 years later. But I had to tell her or she’d make it again, I’d still be eating it. That’s the problem with people – they tip-toe around each other. She’s had haircuts and I’ve gone: ‘Why have you done that? What a horrible style’. And I want her to be honest with me.”

– Karl Pilkington
Source: Esquire

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How long should sex last? Study reveals the average duration of a sex session




You’d be forgiven for thinking that we humans do nothing but talk about sex.

But even when us amorous apes actually stop doing the jaw-jaw and get down to business, there’s still one question haunting our horny brains: just how long should sex last?

If you’re Sting or Puff Daddy, you’d probably say sex should go on for at least the length of a bank holiday weekend.

Whilst if you’re an inexperienced spotty teenager, you’ll probably be delighted if the time taken to complete a dirty deed matches the duration of an average Ariana Grande tune.

Now science has weighed in (again) to tell the world exactly how much time they should be spending in the act of physical love: 5.4 minutes.

“If you’re a non-scientist, you might have once asked yourself, propped against the bedhead after disappointingly quick intercourse, how long does sex ‘normally’ last?” Dr Brendan Zietsch from the University of Queensland wrote in The Conversation.

“A scientist, though, would phrase the same question in an almost comically obscure way: What is the mean intravaginal ejaculation latency time?

“I know there’s a lot more to sex than putting the penis into the vagina and ejaculating, but the rest is not always easy to define (kissing? rubbing? grinding?).

“To keep things simple and specific, we’ll just focus on the time to ejaculation.”

Dr Brendan Zietsch recounted a study in which 500 couples were armed with a stopwatch and asked to press the button (of the clock) when the unspeakable act begun and then tap it again when the man experiences his magical moment.

“That is as practically awkward as it sounds: participants pressed ‘start’ at penile penetration and ‘stop’ at ejaculation,” he added.

“You may note this could affect the mood somewhat, and might perhaps not exactly reflect the natural flow of things.

“But science is rarely perfect, and this is the best we’ve got.”

This study found that sexy time lasts anywhere between 33 seconds and 44 minutes, with the median time coming in at 5.4 minutes.

Interestingly, the research also explores “conventional wisdom regarding penile sensitivity and its relationship to staying power in the sack”.

Older men weren’t able to last longer than young ones, while wearing a condom or being circumcised didn’t boost chaps’ performance either.

“Another surprising finding was that the older the couple, the shorter the sex, contrary to the prevailing wisdom (probably peddled by older men),” Zietsch continued.

Obese men last longer in bed

A study by researchers at Erciyes University in Turkey have found one surprising ‘plus’ to being severely overweight – and it’s your sex life which reaps the benefits.

Titled “Insight on pathogenesis of lifelong premature ejaculation: inverse relationship between lifelong premature ejaculation and obesity,” the study’s findings seem to point at a correlation between being overweight and stamina.

According to the study, the larger men with more stomach fat and a higher BMI could last for an average of 7.3 minutes in bed.

Source: Mirror UK

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How to tell someone you only want to hook up




Anita Fabiola and Meddie SSentongoEvery woman who has dated men has at some point said something to the tune of: “If only he had just let me know up front that he wasn’t looking for anything serious.” Sometimes it’s the opposite: “I didn’t realize he was so into me; I thought we were just hooking up.” There’s a reason “what is your intention with my daughter” is the first question all movie dads ask. Knowing the answer prevents later heartbreak.

All relationships—even one night-long relationships—involve a delicate dance of trying to ascertain the other person’s intentions. Sometimes this dance lasts minutes, and sometimes it lasts months or years. Of course, we try to make our intentions known, but we often fail. Leaving someone’s house immediately after sex, for example, doesn’t count as communicating your expectations for the relationship. Neither does never being the one to text first, or liking other girls’ Insta pics, or bringing up your ex constantly (although that is definitely an effective way to prevent serious relationships).

I once had a friends with benefits whom I never kissed on the mouth. I think it was a subconscious effect of Pretty Woman. I just figured it would be obvious that we were only there to have sex if all we ever did was have sex (also, I don’t really like making out). Luckily for me, he texted me after the first time we hooked up and let me know that he still saw us as platonic friends, despite the hookup—which was fine with me—and we had a vaguely mature talk about it and then we never had to talk about it again, since we both knew each others’ expectations.

If I understand correctly, men are terrified of women being upset with them. If you watch men end things with women—which I do frequently as a viewer of The Bachelor franchise—you’ll notice how they try to get the women to say the five magic words: “I’m not mad at you.” So why, when the fear of disappointing, enraging, or otherwise upsetting women is so strong, don’t men just make their expectations clear from the get-go?

Contrary to popular (male) opinion, women are not desperately trying to trap men in long-term commitments. Actually, now that we’re no longer economically reliant on you guys, on the whole we’re a lot less motivated to trick you into marriage. A relationship really is so much more rewarding when both parties want to be in it. Many male friends of mine have worried to me about how much they might upset a woman by turning her down, or by telling her that they don’t want to get serious. To them (and to you) I say: You aren’t that special. I mean I’m sure there are ways in which you are special, and I’m sure you have a lot to give to a partnership, but you aren’t so special that a woman will fall to pieces if you tell her you don’t want to be in a committed relationship.

All said, a woman might reasonably fall to pieces if you wait to tell her you’re just looking to fool around until you’ve shared eight months of loosely-hooking-up-and-also-doing-lots-of-date-like-activities. Just like disclosing a lethal food allergy, the sooner and more clearly you alert her, the better. You don’t need to shout MY NAME IS ANTONIO AND I’M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS over the music the night you meet a girl on the dance floor, or in the Lyft on the way back to her place to hook up. But if you guys are texting the day after said sexy times, that’s a good time to lay down what you’re interested in. Or, more accurately, what you’re not interested in. (If you are genuinely open to something more happening beyond the bedroom, but wouldn’t be bothered if this went no further than a couple meetings on your still-on-the-floor mattress, then you don’t need to spell that out.) If you can, talk about it before you start to go on date-like activities with her—”date-like” meaning anything that involves leaving your houses, or anything or that starts before 9 P.M.

If, however, you are opposed to/not ready for/otherwise uninterested in putting any effort into dating a person, let them know. Don’t treat it as a favor to her that you’re giving her a heads up. It’s not a favor; it’s simply the right thing to do. You don’t get extra points for being clear about what you want just because the rest of society’s daters are out there pulling bare minimum bullshit. Don’t start your sentence with anything resembling “Just to be fair to you…” or “I just thought you would want to know…” This isn’t about her, it’s about you. “I want to be upfront with you that I’m not looking to date right now,” is a good start. You can also follow up with something along the lines of “if you are looking for a relationship, and are no longer interested in hanging out, I understand, but I’m having a great time and would love to see you again.” Unfortunately “I’m just not looking to date right now” has been appropriated by people who are just trying to weasel their way out of a tense breakup talk, so that little addendum just lets her know that it’s not her, it really is you.


Source: Go

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