Painful sex can happen for all kinds of reasons, including medical conditions like STIs, pelvic inflammatory disease, or vaginismus. Your body might not naturally produce enough lubrication or the cause could be psychological, like the result of anxiety issues. Or you might not have found the positions that work best for your bod.
If you’ve been fully checked out by a doctor, are with someone you really, really want inside of you, and it still hurts, here are some positions to help you deal with painful sex.
1. The Slip ‘N Slide
If you’re really into it, but your vagina didn’t get the memo: The easiest fix if you’re Sahara-dry even though the rest of you is totally on board is to add lube. Obv. But not just a dollop of lube, a shit-ton of it. Get him on his knees and smear lube up the inside of his thighs, all over his shaft, balls, and head. Smear more on your boobs, straddle him and rub your slippery boobs over his chest. Slide onto his junk at your leisure, waiting ’til you’re both beyond ready. (And if you feel ready to go a little deeper, lean back on your hands and … whoa.)
2. The Happy Ending
If you’re just not ready yet: If your partner tends to jump in too quickly, slow their ass down by lighting some candles and handing them a bottle of luxe massage oil. Let yourself relax, slowly spreading your legs as you get more into it. Gradually slide back, bending your knees and lifting your ass up until you’re on his lap, arms still stretched out in front of you and legs on either side of him. Place his hand on your clit while you rock your hips and ride him.
3. The OM My God
If you feel yourself clenching up: Orgasmic Meditation is about being present in the moment, getting in touch with your body and such, but you can also steal the OM stroking technique if it’s hard to get in the mood. Lie on your back with your legs splayed open. Your partner makes a C shape with their left hand, lifting the hood of your clitoris with their thumb while stroking the upper-lefthand part with their index finger in very, very light circles. Try it for 15 minutes and don’t worry about returning the favor or how you’re responding. This is just about you.
4. The C-Stroke
If his penis is just too damn long: Reduce the odds of a cervical pounding by having him lie on his side while facing him with one knee bent between you, the other flung over his back. Hold onto the base of his penis, reducing his insertable length while keeping his sensation of being fully inside you. You control how deep and fast he goes, backing off immediately if something feels wrong.
5. The Tilt-a-Whirl
If his penis is just too damn wide: Get flat on your belly and spread your legs a little wider than shoulder length. The tilted angle makes him feel amazing but never feels like you’re being impaled via gigantic penis. If you need to back off a little, tilt your hips down. And if you want more, more, more, tilt your butt up and push toward him to go deeper.