It’s pretty easy to come up with reasons to have sex with someone, especially in the moment. It’s sex. It feels great. But there are also plenty of reasons not to have sex. Like:
1. If you don’t really want to. Don’t have sex if you don’t want to. That’s it. If you’re only feeling “meh,” why push yourself into sex you’re not excited about? And if you feel uncomfortable because of something a guy is doing, make it known, and if need be, leave. Keep in mind that the reverse also goes for you: Even though guys might seem like they always want to have sex, if they tell you they’re not in the mood, the same courtesy should apply.
2. You think it will make him like you more. It’d be unfair to declare that this literally never works but it probably almost definitely will not work. Why bother having sex with someone you feel like you need to convince into liking you? Sex is almost always hotter when you already can’t get enough of each other.
3. He’s been pretty ghost-y already. If he’s already tough to get in touch with, dodges you, and cancels plans constantly (or just doesn’t show up), sleeping with him won’t fix any of that. In fact, it’ll just make it easier for him to ditch you later. Unless you don’t really care about anything other than a one-night stand, this will just lead to trouble.
4. He’s made it very clear he doesn’t want anything serious, but you do. If he’s telling you something, it’s because he means it. And although plenty of guys would be all dodgy about it, it’s great that he’s being up front with you. There’s no mind game here. He’s not being coy. Don’t sleep with a guy expecting your friends-with-benefits arrangement to slowly turn into a serious relationship. It might happen sometimes but it’s not worth banking on a rom-com ending.
5. You know he likes you but you’re just looking for a fling. Conversely, don’t sleep with a guy just because he’s there and you’re horny if you know he’s really into you. Having your #RelationshipGoals match up is actually pretty important, even beyond Instagram. His feelings, your feelings, golden rule, blah blah blah.
6. You’re getting really clingy vibes from him. The difference between “clingy” and “smitten” is how much you like the dude. If you’re into him, those clingy vibes are great. If you can’t really make up your mind about him, sleeping with him could just mean you guaranteed yourself a really messy and long “we should just be friends” chat while he ugly-cries the whole time.
7. He’s a friend’s ex. If you think he’s your soul mate, then go for it. But if you just want to bone him, it’s better just to stay away. Why potentially ruin a priceless friendship when you can just go home and use a $40 vibrator instead?
8. He has a bunch of “crazy” exes. There are two possibilities here. The first, and more plausible scenario, is that he’s the crazy one. If all of his past relationships ended up with some kind of drama, it’s likely he’s the source. The second is that he either has bad luck or he’s attracted to crazy people. In which case, he might be great, but one of his exes might also start mailing you dismembered pieces of a Barbie doll limb by limb. This also means that if he does have a type, you’re crazy.
9. You’re both really, really wasted. This is definitely not the best idea. Who knows who is regretting what at this point. If you’re both too many drinks deep, it’s probably best to just sleep it off and see if you’re still willing to go nuts on each other in the morning (hangover notwithstanding).
10. He’s not about safe sex. If he refuses to wear a condom, don’t agree to do the deed just because you’re horny. This man is an idiot.